BLENDING FAMILIES

 BLENDING FAMILIES

From my perspective: Blended families can be both rewarding & challenging. I like to think we did a pretty good job blending our families, but the process took time, patience, understanding, & commitment from all members; stepparents, biological parents, & children. The kids deserve the majority of the credit for our success. The older kids had many friends with divorced parents who struggled with a variety of conflicting emotions & issues resulting in miserable experiences. I really believe that they consciously decided to do their best to get along & try to make the best of the situation because they loved us, their parents. 

I have to give credit to Judy as well…she & Paul had split custody (week on, week off) & the Middleton kids went back & forth while they were younger. Being in two different households, with two different parents, with two different parenting styles couldn’t have been easy – then throw in a bonus mom with a totally different parenting style to confuse them even more! They seemed to adapt well & were quick to learn what the expectations were at both households. Paul & Judy did their best to keep the kids out of any conflicts they might have had & respected each other’s time with the kids. Judy also allowed me to love the Middleton kids & allowed them to show me love as well.

The Carter Critters experienced some conflicting emotions as they adjusted to a new family dynamic, potentially feeling confused/disloyal to their dad as they learned to accept a new father figure in their lives. Paul did his best to show them the love & respect they needed to thrive in their new normal. I have never been very organized/scheduled nor did I plan ahead very well. I didn’t grow up that way & was pretty laid back. It was a bit of a culture shock to have to establish rules, boundaries, & expectations in order to eliminate chaos & confusion with our numbers. I’m sure the Carter Critters felt some stress with new/stricter house rules.

It was a learning curve for all of us as we created new routines & traditions. Our Family Home Evenings & Family Sundays were often wrought with frustration (& a LOT of noise/laughter) as we tried to coordinate schedules & calendar events/activities on the” infamous white board.” We tried to discuss problems & solutions to problems with everyone’s input. We learned to communicate, resolve conflicts & compromise. We also had a rotating job chart that established the need for everyone to pitch in & do their part to keep our home neat & orderly. 

Having 10 kids so close in age (12 years difference between the oldest & youngest), there was always someone to play with or hang out with. They attended each other’s sporting events & activities, showing support for each other & I believe they developed a strong bond through their shared experiences. Their varied skills & talents helped them build confidence & broaden their horizons as they developed varied interests & encouraged each other.