MY COMFORT ZONE

I have done many things in my lifetime that have taken me out of my comfort zone!  I don't particularly seek opportunities to take risks...I'm really a big chicken & I am NOT a thrill seeker!  Most of the things I've done that have taken me out of my comfort zone have been with Paul...no surprise there!  Paul is a thrill seeker & has encouraged me to stretch myself & try new things.  I always dread it until it is over & then I am usually glad I did it!  I'm always tougher than I think I am.

BYU Survival - I got kicked out of BYU after my first year because I failed to meet the minimum grade requirements.  I am not proud of this.  I was not a good student.   I had very little confidence & I had poor study habits.  Basically, I didn't take school seriously!  To be re-admitted to BYU, I had three options: 1- attend a different college, showing an improvement in grades. 2- sit out a year & work, showing responsibility & life skills.  3- participate in BYU Survival, a month long outward bound program designed to build character & help troubled individuals discover priorities.  BYU Survival would allow me to get back into BYU the quickest, so I chose this "camping" experience & planned on being back in time for the fall block classes.

So, I signed up & paid the fees, collected all the items on my supply list, attended the orientation meeting & we were off...about 40 strangers on a bus headed to the canyon lands of southern Utah for a four week experience I will NEVER forget!  They dropped us off with our water bottles & they took our gear to "base camp" while we hiked in.  No food, only water, we hiked for miles & miles into the night until we couldn't see where we were going.  We stopped & slept on the cold hard ground (no fire) snuggled up to one another so our body heat could keep us warmer.  I don't think anyone truly slept & we were grateful for the light of the early morning sun so we could continue into base camp by noon the next day.  That was such a miserable & intense hike!  At base camp they fed us & taught us basic survival skills...how to find or build shelter, how to build & start a fire, how to build a trap or snare to catch an animal for food, what plants were edible & sustainable, how to read a topography map, & basic first aid.  Ummm, it was about here that I realized that this wasn't your normal camping trip!  They were going to send us out in the wilderness with minimal supplies & expected us to meet them at the next base camp.  They distributed our gear & we were given basic food supplies; flour, oatmeal, brown sugar, etc.  they taught us how to roll our gear up in a wool blanket & tie our bedroll into a backpack. 

Week #1 - We set out as a group practicing the skills we were taught.  I was happy to learn that I was a strong hiker & was able to keep a good pace.  I also learned that I got frustrated with those who needed to rest frequently.  I was perfectly fine with my ration of flour & oatmeal & was satisfied without having to trap a critter or collect berries, etc.  I could make a fire quickly & easily & slept well because I was exhausted from all the hiking!  The mountains & canyons are gorgeous!  We sang & shared stories & the week went by quickly.  We were delighted when we got to our 2nd base camp.  They fed us well at each base camp & we rested & learned more survival skills.  They taught us how to repel - I was pleasantly surprised that I trusted the staff & I wasn't afraid.  Even though I had never considered myself "pioneer stock," I found that I was one of the stronger girls & my confidence increased with each activity.  I was a pretty tough wilderness girl!  There were many guys & girls who had to conquer great fear with each task we were expected to do.  I felt blessed with a calm spirit & confidence in my own abilities...I also felt like The Lord was with me, strengthening me & encouraging me.

Week #2 - This week we headed out into two groups, the girls were given one map, the boys a different one that led to the same base camp.  A few of us stronger hikers were asked to lead out in an effort to set a good pace for the rest to follow.  This was the worst week!  Girls are needy & whiney & they cry too much!  I learned that I do not have patience for whiney butts & I'm not very compassionate!  I kept to myself a lot & didn't offer to help anyone.  I was afraid that I would lose it & tell someone off.  I didn't like myself this week at all!  We ended up missing a trail & hiked extra miles into base camp.      

The next day they brought a sheep into camp.  We were going to butcher it & divide it up amongst the group for the weekend.  This was honestly one of the most sacred experiences I have ever had.  We read the scriptures about the Savior's sacrifice for the world & used the analogy of the innocent lamb sent to slaughter to save the world.  We each took turns in the process: a girl shot the sheep with a pistol in the head to kill it instantly so it wouldn't suffer; a guy slit it's throat while others tied it by its hind legs & hung it from a tree so that it bled out;  I helped to skin the sheep - I had to pull the skin away with one hand well pushing the flesh away with the other.  It was still warm & I had difficulty realizing that this innocent lamb was alive a few minutes ago.  I had to clear my mind so that I could attend to the task at hand; others quartered the sheep & we divided it up to decide what to do with it.  Our group made a good sized stew & took the rest & made jerky with it to divide up for the coming week. 

Week #3 - We were divided into small groups (without leaders) & given a different course to follow to the next base camp.  This was one of my favorite weeks!  My group was a strong group of 5 girls, no complainers.  However, I believe they gave us one of the more difficult routes to challenge us.  We did great - we all seemed to agree on how to read the map.  We made good time each day.  Our trail was right by a river bed with fresh water...but half way through, it began to rain.  Our river kept getting wider & the canyon got more narrow & we found ourselves swimming in places instead of hiking!  We were concerned about sleeping near the river bed so the last couple of nights we would hike climb up higher & sleep on the rim of the canyon, drying our gear out by the fire each night.  We were wet & cold, but we knew we could handle it for a couple more nights...& we did!  We felt so accomplished & knew we had met our challenges well.  I felt great love for these girls & I was very proud of them all!

We were one of the last groups to come in & it was great to see everyone & hear about their experiences.  They did not feed us when we came in...we fasted all day, wrote in our journals & had a testimony meeting that afternoon before we ate.  I was so weak & exhausted...food never tasted so good!

Week #4 - Our last week was our solo week.  Yes, I spent a week in the Escalante Canyon all by myself!  We left in small groups & we were given specific instructions to stay within a certain area along the canyon so that we do not interrupt the solo experience of the person up river or down river from us...although I was by myself! I knew there was someone within a mile from me in either direction.  One night, I even thought I saw my neighbor's campfire, but I only saw it one night.  Half way through the week, one of the leaders came by to check on me...I was surprised by how safe I felt! even at night!  I have always been afraid of the dark & this surely pushed me out of my comfort zone to be alone, in the wilderness, in the dark!  I spent my alone time writing in my journal, reading The Miracle of Forgiveness & The Book of Mormon, & collecting/stringing ghost beads (little seeds that drop from the juniper plants).

The last morning the leaders came & collected us & took us to our last base camp where they fed us & gave us each a map to the bus 26.2 miles away in the town of Escalante.  That's right we were finishing this experience with a marathon!  They took our gear & we could run it or walk it.  I started out running with my pal Lisa but soon strained my Achilles' tendon & ended up walking/limping a great deal of it myself as I made Lisa keep going on without me. 

It's a good thing that I didn't really understand what this program was all about when I signed up for it.  I am so thankful for the experience, but I would NEVER want to do it again!  I learned a lot about myself - some good, some bad.  I am capable of difficult things & this knowledge has helped me throughout my life as difficult challenges have come my way, I knew I could handle it.

This experience convinced me that I could handle the Grand Canyon rafting trips we've taken & the Girls' Camp hikes at Camp Ritchie.  As a matter of fact, all things pale in comparison to this BYU survival experience.  The older I get, the broader my comfort zone becomes.  Sometimes I see myself as a confident wilderness girl capable of difficult situations & other times I see myself as one of those whiney girls that irritate others by complaining instead of just sucking it up & making the best of things!