FOND MEMORIES OF MY PARENTS

MOM - I have always felt my mother’s love, even when I probably didn’t deserve it.  She was always kind & loving – quick to offer a much needed hug & above all…self-sacrificing – always putting our needs & wants above her own.  She is very simple & low maintenance, never expecting.  Her greatest joy is her family & all she ever wants is to see them & know that they are happy.  She is quiet, yet strong & independent.  She is accepting & tolerant & does not judge others.  When she realized that Dad wasn’t a reliable source of steady income, she knew she needed to go to work.  When I was in kindergarten, she learned how to make draperies in Lompoc.  When we moved to Bakersfield, she continued this job & Uncle Charlie helped her buy some machines & tables so she could work out of our home.  She turned our garage into a drapery shop & Glenda’s Draperies was born.  Mom continued to do this for over 50 years.

Mom taught me how to run her commercial sewing machines when I was 8 years old – when she got in a bind, she would have me sew long panels of fabric together on her machines.  I also helped her “fold” her orders – we all HATED to fold drapes!  It was soooooo boring!  Looking back, I am grateful that she taught me to sew & that she taught me how to make alterations & modify patterns.  I have enjoyed it through the years – making Halloween costumes & dresses for the girls.  It has become a skill that I am proud of & something that I know she learned from her mom & that I have passed on to my girls, too.

My beautiful mother, Glenda Harwell, circa 1955

Hard at work making draperies with her business partner & friend, Katherine Cain.

early 70's

DAD – I don’t have many “fond” memories of my dad; as a matter of fact, the negative memories over shadow the fond ones.  I do remember that he was friendly & kind hearted – he had that “stray dog” mentality (wanting to care for others less fortunate) & had a soft spot for the underdog…perhaps because he identified so strongly with them.  He liked to play – in many ways he was a big kid that had difficulty growing up.  He was lots of fun during his “go cart” days – he was focussed & excited about things then.  I believe he was most reliable during this “phase” of his life.  It was fun to go to all the races as a family & support one another as the “pit crew.”  I thought it was cool that he could tumble - he was small but quick & agile & I remember he busted out a front handspring in the front yard one time…that impressed me as an 8 year old.  He was a talented artist – he could draw & paint very well.  He bought me a pet goat at the swap meet one time.  I thought that was the coolest thing…I named it Blossom, but he didn’t live very long – It was a traumatic experience for me, but a tender one.

Me & my daddy, James Harwell, circa 1958.

The Go Cart days...late 60's

Pops was ahead of his time, taking selfies before we knew what they were!

DAILY ROUTINES – We led a pretty simple life; school, afterschool play/TV, dinner, early to bed.  We didn’t get to stay up late.  We lived in a safe neighborhood & we played outside a lot.  Our neighbors watched out for each other’s kids & we actually knew our neighbors.  We all went to the same school & rode the bus together.  My brother’s played little league baseball in the spring & for awhile they raced go-carts with my dad.  I took dance lessons on Saturday mornings for some 13 years.  I played softball a couple of years, but those were the only extracurricular things we did.  Most of our activities were through school – even swim lessons in the summer were through the school.  I don’t remember having any chores growing up – Mom did everything for us.  She once told me that she had to work hard as a kid & she wanted us to enjoy our childhood & always thought that kids needed to play.  Consequently, I learned to play really well, & I didn’t know how to work when I needed to do things for myself & my own family.  It was difficult for me to learn responsibilities because, for the most part, I hadn’t been given any.

FEELINGS WE SHARED – My mom was a great hugger.  She solved all our problems with hugs.  We didn’t talk much or share our feelings with words…in fact, we ignored some things that we should have discussed – like Dad.  We all just kind of held our breath & hoped that he would be sober when he was around.  I think we were all relieved & more relaxed when he wasn’t around.  I learned to hate him & resent him for his drinking.  I was an adult when I finally understood that he really couldn’t help it – that alcoholism is a disease & he never meant to hurt any of us.  Mom never asks personal questions – she respects our privacy & waits for us to tell her what we want her to know.  She’s a private lady herself & doesn’t volunteer information – never offers more than what is asked.  I tend to be a little more open, perhaps nosey.

When I think of my dad, I'm saddened that he wasn't able to be around more - he really missed out on a lot of love. When I think of my mom, I think of her quiet strength - she was accepting, hard working, & self-sacrificing...I wish I was more like her.